The day I realised I have changed my God

Hi there~

If you follow me on IG(@keriitleto), then you already know that I want to say this loud but I choose to say it here on my blog as per usual. I rarely share about discouraging post on my blog. I really want to avoid it actually because there's too much negativity in the internet world so I don't add it up and always I try to be positive.

Just this time,  I want to share the reality of my current life.

Last night, it's one of the worst night ever in my life.I cried so much because I feel so empty inside and I feel my soul just dying. Yes, its Sunday yesterday and I went to church but I still feel so empty and dying inside. I forced myself to go to church to try to make me feel better and I hope the emptiness is gone. I bring my happy face everywhere and tried my best to hide the sorrow of my heart. These days, I constantly struggle to feel truly happy. I lose my focus in my life. I feel lost.

Without I even realised, I have changed my God in my life.

To be really honest, my fiancé has become God in my life these days.

My fiancé

I texted my fiancé about what I'm currently facing.

I really depend on him this moment. I'm used to be a very independent girl but I feel like I don't want to be too independent so "kasi chance" la but "bukan kasi chance lagi", I become too dependent on him. Everything I do always all about him. When I wake up in the morning, he is the one that I'm think of. No longer I spend time with God and pray. I really changed! I know, my fiancé too in my life but I can't make him as my 'God'. God is must be above of all.

I'm blessed because my financé understand what I'm really face and he advice me to set back my focus and spend time with God, not just spend time with him.
So, today I feel better already.

Love,
Aya