My giving birth experience during COVID-19 pandemic

I wish I knew that 2020 will be the year of pandemic COVID-19 but who am I to know that. I am no God.

But, this experience will be remembered for the entire of my life. 

Back in October 2019 when we know that we are pregnant, we are so excited because we going to give birth in 2020, the "good year" as predicted by a human. I planned to give birth in 2020 too and its go well as planned. I imagined I will give birth with my husband at my side. 

Then, in March 2020 came with the dark cloud. We suddenly live with the new normal and never going to be like before. There's so many SOP to follow and one of it is the husband is not allowed to accompany at the labour room. I don't have experience in giving birth so I don't know how its look like or how it will feel like. So, I think I will go with the flow. 

I never thought I will have such a challenging experience. 

I never thought I will giving birth alone without my husband at my side. Not because he is far away but due to precautions of COVID-19. It's hurt me so bad when I need to say goodbye to my husband on 29/June and meet him on 3/July.

When I was admitted to the hospital, I am practically on my own. I did everything myself.

It's getting worse when there's no physical support but I'm thankful my husband always support me via Whatsapp, betul-betul online...

After giving birth and went back to ward, the nurse allowed my husband can see our son from afar ( as the photo above) and not even can touch him or hold him. It's such a sad view. We don't even take our photos together...

When I think of this now, I feel like crying...

I am happy but I am devastated too.

I just don't want to go through this alone. But, I really feel alone.

But, I need to be strong for myself, my newborn baby and my husband. 

Love,

Aya