My childhood wishlist come true

I went to kedai buku the other day to print and photostat some of my son's doctor letter and I stumbled upon something that make me remember my childhood.

It's color pencil that I really want when I just a kid. It's LUNA color pencil! 

Oh dear Lord, I feel so happy when I see it and without thinking, I bought it, its RM8.50. When I was a kid, I don't have privilege to have this LUNA color pencils or even the cheapest brand because I came from very poor family in rural area and my parent can't afford this sometimes. But, my parent did their best especially on my educations, I can say all my needs was provided by my parent without fail and because of that, I can be here now.

Because of this LUNA Color pencil, suddenly all my childhood memories flashed back in my mind. I still remember every single days my old good days at my hometown.

I still remember, when I changed my school from Belaga to Bintulu, I love went to stationery shop. I love the smells of books, colorful pen and papers. I really love this. Sometimes I can buy it, sometimes I just window shopping with friends. It's a very wonderful memories to me.

Also, talking about my love of stationery shop especially books or color pencils, I still remember my mum bought me my first book( I don't remember the title) at Belaga random shop, tepi tepi jalan, I remember that shop clearly. During that time, I teman my mum jual beras and sayur sayuran at tepi jalan di Pasar Belaga.

I still remember this clearly. This is one of my best memories with my mom. I had many good memories with my mum but this one I remember it clearly until today because I know my mum bought me that books even though we don't really have much money.

Because of this LUNA Color Pencil, I was crying thinking how much I tersasar from my original dream. 

My original dream was to help my family back home after I got the job here but its been one decade now, I know I didn't do much because of my life commitments. I always wanted to something but always had an obstacles. This make me frustrated and hate myself a lot.

I really wanted God to turn back the time so I can do something different than now. I know, I am very very selfish and really determine to make my own dream come true without really thinking about my family and think long term.

I did make my dreams come true like buy my own house before I turned 30 years old, travel many countries, and bought whatever I want but I feel I am not TRULY HAPPY with all these achievements. I feel empty and not truly happy. 

I always thinking of my parent and family back home.

I feel so bad for not doing much for my parent and family. I still remember one of my aunt that passed away early this year. She is one of my aunt that help to make my dream come true or make who I am today but I can't go back to see her for last time because of many obstacles... 

I miss her a lot everyday! Even until today, I still miss her a lot!

I know, the past is past...

But, my past makes me struggle now, feel so hurting and feel so empty with my life. 

Now, I'm in progress to pay for my past mistake especially on my financial. 

Hopefully I still have time to make up for my mistake and I can do something good for my family. I really wanted to make a different and make everything better and make my mum and dad happy and always feel proud of me.

I prayed I have enough time to make up my mistakes and make my original dream come true!

Itulah luahan daripada seorang anak yang kurang berbakti kerana kesalahan sendiri dan mement