My struggles

Hey Happy June!

Just like that, it's already June 2022! I mean, its half of the year already! What!?

I've been so "confused" since beginning of the year. I being like that because I've been hit with big challenge in the beginning of year!!

We almost lost our son due to suddenly he got "sawan" at my kampung. You can read the story HERE.

This changed EVERYTHING!

My focus and my goals for 2022 was changed! 

I need to really taking care of my son and we don't have our lived in babysitter anymore! I can say, this one is one of my regretable decisions I ever make last year but I knew, God plan everything well.

Juggling between WFH & Babysitting my son

Since I don't have lived in babysitter anymore, I need to find babysitter and its so hard to find one that meet my needs. Thanks to God, my uncle's family can take care of my son but after awhile, they also had their own life plan so I taking care of my own. I'm working from home while taking care of my son. It's really hard to juggling between this two roles. 

Now, I need to go to office twice a week, I am thankful my uncle's family willing to help me to taking care of my son. I am forever grateful for this! God will bless your family more.

I searching for child care centre but most of it, nearby of my house don't accept a child less than 2 years and the fee is super duper expensive! I am very selective on this because most of child care I called it's Muslim based and I feel it's not right for my son...

This is very hard now... 😔😔

I want to find a job that pay good so we can afford to send my son to good child care at nearby our house but I know, I will sacrify many things especially my family time and my mental health. I don't want to fall into that unhealthy mental health anymore. I scared!

I want to take care of my son full time but I want and I need money to pay for all my commitments, debts and needs, I am not used to ask money from other people even my husband. I feel ashamed and my self esteem will decreased. I don't want this happen to me...

For now, I still juggling... I don't know when this will end. I try to enjoy it but there's a day its getting harder.

Work

I currently work as a contract worker at my current workplace and I am grateful for the job. It's challenging but so far, I like it and I tried my best everyday. I am not perfect but I will always do my best. Since I am contract worker, there's due of the contract so I feel uncertain about my future and I feel lazy to repeat the job seeking process again. But, if that the God's plan, I will follow.

I prayed God will prepare the best for me. I know God will provided the best for me and my family. 💝

My weight - Body shaming

I got body shaming a lot after I gave birth.

Many people told/message me "kena jaga badan", of course they said "kena jaga badan utk kesihatan" but since it said many times toward me, I do feel upset. Its not that I don't want jaga badan, I tried but my schedule is not really matches my desire to do that. You can say, orang lain bole jer... I am not that orang lain. I am ME! I know ME!

For me, if that women become bigger after giving birth, its not because she was lazy to take care of herself, she always wanted that but there's so many things to consider. Stop body shaming people!

Financially

I think everyone has struggle with this. The basic needs items like rice, oils, chicken and etc increasing prices and its really effect.

I already struggle to pay off my bills and now, all prices going up! Fuhhhh! I don't know lah. I know there's many side hustle we can do but for me, I do had side hustle but not yet able to help pay my bills.

I do have my IG Shop @keriitleto.co, please visit and support my small biz!

Conclusion

I know that not just me struggling now. Everyone has their own struggles. I order to make my struggle a little bit less, I let go of some things that I cannot carry even I've tired! 

For me now, since my son is less than 2 years now, I really wanted to focus on taking care of him and make him my priority! I don't want to lose this moment and I never ever wanted to let go of this.

I know, I sound dumb but this is my choice.

I choose my son over everything now. If I can afford to let go of my main job, I will do it too! But, I can't afford to do so! I need to feed my son, pay for my commitments and needs.